Choose LIFE!!!

"Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live!" Deuteronomy 30:19

What an appropriate scripture that applies to my life as the choice I have made by having this surgery has given me the chance at more life that I would surely not have had if I had not chosen to go this direction. Is it the perfect direction? Will it take a lot of work and patience and learning and faith and trust in God. Of course it will. But it is a blessing as I am already discovering in my own life as well as those who have lived it out themselves.

We all struggle with something in our lives. Some of us are in battles that no one is even aware is going on. So much quiet desperation in the eyes of people I see these days. I have a sense that they are without a defined hope for their lives. They want to be happy. They look for things or people or events to make them happy... just so they can live their lives from day to day... with something to look forward to.

I consider myself one of these people, living lives of quiet desperation of which he author Henry David Thoreau described. And this should not be.Especially for someone who knows the Creator of all things on a personal basis. As a born again Christian I expect more of myself than to allow the world to determine my "feelings" on any given day. But alas I am only human and find myself just like a bottle in the sea being tossed about. However, I do not despair because of this. I thank God for the realization of my condition and ask His assistance in helping me to change it. And He does so with complete grace and mercy.

My recent surgery for weight loss is evidence of the fact the my Jesus loves me and directs my steps even when my direction may be a little askew. I have had the wonderful gift of friends and family praying for me, day and night and calling and texting and emailing to find out what they could do to help our family and how I was doing. A true blessing, and overwhelming experience and most simply a gift from someone who knows love and how to share it with another. This is of God and I and my family have been blessed. Thank you.

My journey out of "fat-catraz" is proceeding along as planned. I had the surgery which was fascinating to say the least. If you wish to know more about the surgery itself I encourage you to go to this website www.usbariatrics.com  go to the section titled "surgical options and then Gastric bypass and on that page you will see a link on the right hand side of the page that will allow you to see the surgery first hand. You will see the main Doctor in the practice I went to performing a bypass operation on someone. It is not gross or bloody, it is simply fascinating to me that I had this done to me and I am going to be the recipient of a new body and life style. Amazing.

I must tell you that I had no fear of dying, no fear of the surgery. I was at complete peace and trust in God. I believe it was of course because so many of you were praying on my behalf. I was enjoying meeting and talking to the nurses that came into the pre-op room to ask me questions and start IVs and simply encourage me. I had fun talking with my German anesthesiologist and learning about how he viewed the course for me and someone my size. By the way, he did an excellent job. I went to sleep so peacefully and awoke with no panic a great deal of muscle cramping in my back. I was even so bold as to ask my Doctor how old he was and when he told me he was 40, was immediately aware that I had certainly aged faster than my mind was aware. He seemed so young and I felt so old. But in truth I felt like a kid, putting my trust in a man better prepared to take care of me and  help me. So much like, well exactly like we are as God's children when we trust him to help me and do what is best for me if I will follow His will.

Anyone who has known me for long knows I have a bad back and have had one for years. Although until my early forties I would continue to abuse it by doing things I should not have done and that lead to me becoming disabled and unable to walk without a cane and then as time progressed to using a motorized wheelchair. I had learned and accepted long ago that I would never be someone who could use his back in his work due to my injury and my size. Well, that may have changed due to this surgery.

As I stated earlier, when I awoke from the surgery, I of course was experiencing a variety of pains. No matter how gentle they try to be moving a body of my size from the operating table to the bed is undoubtedly a very difficult undertaking. I was aware of many pains that appeared as the days after my surgery was done. Those of you who have been put under may be able to relate. A stiff arm that was laid out beside you during the surgery as to keep it out of the way, or available for another IV should the need arise etc. Well, my predicament appeared to have happened while I was under. My back muscles seized up on me apparently while I was on the table and under the anesthesia. No one could have known because I was unconscious and unable to tell anyone. SO for a number of hours my back just stayed in a cramped mode. In fact as I am writing this I can almost feel it tensing up again ready to curl into those little baseball sized knots.

The surgery went great. My Doctor did an excellent job and told my Shelley that he had little trouble and everything looked great. I was in recovery and should be up to my room within the hour. Trouble was, I was in the recovery room begging someone to help me with my cramping back. My poor nurses were saying "honey, we have given you all the pain medication you can have, it will be alright and all better soon" But my back just stayed cramped. I was so drunk on painkiller dilaudid, of which I am thankful because they had just been digging and cutting and moving and cutting and sewing etc my insides so I needed the pain meds.  But I needed some type of muscle relaxer. In fact I take a minor muscle relaxer everyday. It doesn't affect my mind or disposition in the least, but what it does is help to keep my back from seizing up on me when I am sitting or lying in one place to long and I had not had that drug in my system for over 12 hours. That is why I believe my back was in such bad shape.

Anyway, I finally got up to my room and my nurse, Barb who was an angel. She immediately helped me to get up sitting in a chair and put some warm blankets behind my back and saw to it that I got my muscle relaxer. Thankfully they started to uncurl and relax and I was able to breathe normally and focus on the pains in my belly. Which were about six. I had one big incision on my left side that my Doctor told me would probably be the most painful and sore. I really wasn't to aware of the pain in my "new" stomach area but I was aware of a difference in my belly.

My wonderful little angles were just great not weirding out or worrying too much about Daddy Man. They have heard me moan and groan before and they knew if I were doing that I would eventually be OK. Shelley took them downstairs to the cafeteria to eat dinner while I tried to get adjusted to my bed and room and the "new me".

I was in the hospital for 5 days which is a little unusual but my kidneys were hacked off at me for putting them through all of this and they protested for a few days. So we had to coax them back to work and when everything was more or less good to go, Dr. Koppman said go on home to your own bed. I was thankful and have been home recuperating ever since.

There is more to the story and I want to tell it but for now I am going to say..."until next time".

But before I go, it just occurred to me that there are many out there who need to hear the numbers. I know when I am learning about someone's weight struggle, I want to know and hear their successes. At my highest weight I weighed 564 pounds officially. That is the most I have ever weighed in my life. I weighed that about 5 years ago when my mother was dying and Shelley's Mom was dying. Then after we moved to Florida, I slowly started losing. Not trying terribly hard, because it was Terribly Hard. Remember I am an emotional eater and there was a LOT of emotion going on. Anyway, I went into this program weighing 522 pounds and went into surgery weighing 471. And I am on my way to, well a whole lot less and better health. I have not taken any diabetes medication since my surgery eliminating two medications, and I no longer have high blood pressure eliminating another medication. I am happy to substitute vitamins for medications anytime!

Keep checking back!