The Truth

Isn't it amazing that a simple word like truth can be distorted so many ways to meet any one's agenda. The online website, www.thesaurus.com gives these synonyms for the word truth: 

accuracy, actuality, authenticity, axiom, case,certainty, correctness, dope*, exactitude,exactness, fact, facts, factualism, factuality,factualness, genuineness, gospel truth, gospel,honest truth, infallibility, inside track, legitimacy,maxim, naked truth, nitty-gritty, perfection,picture, plain talk, precision, principle, rectitude,rightness, scoop, score, trueness, truism,truthfulness, unvarnished truth, veracity,verisimilitude, verity, whole story And they also add these in for "related words" :  particular, sound, accurate, actual, apodictic,as good as one's word, authentic, bona fide,candid, categorically true, certain, constant,correct, curious, definite, delicate, exact,faithful, fine, frank, genuine, guileless, honest, inits true colors, ingenuous, just, legitimate,literal, mathematical, natural, nice, official,open, open, ostensible, outspoken, precise,punctual, pure, real, realistic, religiously exact,right, rigid, rigorous, scientific, scrupulous,simple, solid, sterling, straightforward, strict,substantial, substantially true, tangible, true,true, true as gospel, true to the letter,trustworthy, truthful, unadulterated,unaffected, uncolored, unconfuted, undisguised,undissembling, undistorted, unerring,unexaggerated, unfeigned, unflattering, unideal,unimagined, unimpeachable, unperjured,unrefuted, unreserved, unromantic,unsophisticated, unvarnished, valid, veracious,veridical, veritable, well, well

 Now these are interesting words to be sure, however, I find that even with the qualifier "the" put in front of it someone can and will try to swing this absolute towards their way of thinking and rationalize these words to the point that they are almost unrecognizable. In case you couldn't tell by now you should know I been a political junkie for the past few weeks during my recovery and "adjustment" to the new me. I am a fan of Fox News and have been watching a great deal regarding the up coming election. I have been so disgusted, angry, downhearted, encouraged and amazed at how our Government works these days, especially when it comes to the election process of choosing leadership for our country's people.

One of the words you do not hear, or at least rarely hear is the word "liar". It seems most pundits, journalist's (and I use the term loosely)the"elite" media in general along with the elected politicians shy away from using the term "lie" or "liar". They use terms like "disingenuous" or "misspoke".
Here are some synonyms for the word lie found in www.dictionary.com:

aspersion, backbiting, calumniation, calumny,deceit, deception, defamation, detraction,dishonesty, disinformation, distortion, evasion,fable, fabrication, falsehood, falseness,falsification, falsity, fib, fiction, forgery,fraudulence, guile, hyperbole, inaccuracy,invention, libel, mendacity, misrepresentation,misstatement, myth, obloquy, perjury,prevarication, revilement, reviling, slander,subterfuge, tale, tall story, vilification, white lie,whopper.

I continue to find myself shaking my head when I listen to politicians describing someones lie as an "inaccuracy" or "fabrication". I can't understand why they can't simply say that this person is lying. Some actually do and that amazes me because in the heat of the political system as it stands right now, every word is parsed to the endth degree and scrutinized till it bleeds. And apparently jobs can be lost over misuse of this very simple word.

 Now here is an opportunity for me to use the words "the truth" in designating myself as the "new me" because I am a different man, and I choose to use the word "new" to describe me because I have never been in this situation in my life nor has my life been so dramatically changed transforming me, in many more ways than just physical, into the "new" me. And I am finding it increasingly more necessary to be truthful with myself regarding all aspects of my life, even those I do not wish to address right now. It seems that when you are dealing with issues that have been carried around for long periods of time our initial responses may be to just "let sleeping dogs lie". I wish I could do this because it would be a lot easier.

Telling the truth is not hard for most people I know. In fact, we expect for our friends and family to be honest with us because we have established a trust and the foundation of that relationship is truth. So it should be with ourselves. I know in my life I have been a wonderful rationalizer. I rationalize  almost anything within reason. I mean when it came to a plain black and white issue I would be honest, even though I was sure I could rationalize it the other way if necessary. The problem with this talent, or curse is that a rationalization is a rational-lie. It is a lie dressed up in it's finest church outfit. Just bathed and smelling like a rose. But still it is a lie. A foul smelling, rotting, disgusting lie.

When Shelley and I worked at the children's home we came across this issue quite often. Most of the girls in our care came from homes where lying was the norm. Apparently denial was more comfortable for parents so they could rationalize their innocence in "not knowing" what had been going on. Regardless a lie is a lie is a lie, and until you learn that you cannot fully embrace the truth. Not A truth or MY truth or even YOUR truth, but THE TRUTH. There is a big difference. What we perceive as truth may not be the absolute that the creator God has established as the Truth.

Shelley and I have made this a very big issue in our home. Perhaps it is because of all the lies that we were told by children we loved and with whom we had invested our lives. It was extremely painful to experience the dissolution of a trust that we believed had been established. And because our children are adopted we wanted to make sure that there was NEVER any reason for them to believe that we lied to them or ever would lie to them. That's why we don't do the "Santa" thing or "Easter Bunny" or "Tooth Fairy". Look, our kids get enough fantasy in this world without really trying. I am certainly not going to be someone who adds to the confusion that the world is so good at displaying.

SO the issue of truth is one that anyone who has had a weight issue must be willing to address in order to be successful. Actually anyone who has a problem with any addiction or compulsion must come to a point and realize the necessity  or honesty with oneself. This is currently where I stand. Perhaps this is where you stand also. I know that being boldly honest with ourselves is very difficult. But so necessary, if we want to change. And experience REAL change. Not just superficial. I realize that when I made the choice to have this surgery that it was going to change my life forever. And WOW it has already.

Not just that I have lost weight and clothes fit better but that I feel different. I feel different about myself, my emotional makeup, my home, my wife, my children. Everyone is affected by this choice I have made. I do believe that honestly they are all just a little confused and a little apprehensive about the immediate future. But I am finding out that this is alright. Probably quite common in people who have gone through this process. I understand that I must be the most aware of this and guard my words and actions carefully because I am being watched, even when I don't know it.

Ah, the "new me". I am finding that I want the new me and that I have wanted it for a long time. Romans 12:2 states this:

 "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."

I just love it when you find in God's word just the right scripture that speaks to your heart and encourages us. Renewing of our minds. That is a big part of the new me. I want to renew my mind, and in order to do that and do it well it involves diving into God's word on a more regular basis. Not just going for a dip but swimming around in it. Studying it. Learning the TRUTH it contains and applying that TRUTH daily. AND sharing it with our friends and loved ones.

Well, I know I have babbled a lot about truth but I can't think of anything more important in life right now than truth. Oh yeah, and seeing as Jesus called himself "the truth" then it's kind of like getting a twofer! I just love it when a plan comes together!!

Thanks to all of you who continue to keep us in your prayers. I know I need them and have appreciated them so. My body is adjusting to living and functioning on less but quality less. Sometimes it is hard just to figure out what to eat. That used to NEVER be a problem unless we didn't have any money, then of course it was the dollar menu at Micky D's. And I currently weigh 438 as of this evening. Down 33 pounds in four weeks. Not bad. And 126 pounds from my all time high of 564. I look forward to seeing what God has in store for the new me and my wonderful family. Once again, thank you!! And take care of yourself. I need an audience!!

The Desert of My Days

Greetings to all who venture hereabouts. It has been 10 days since my last confession. Sometimes I feel as though this blog is like my confessional. I get to tell you things about me and my thoughts on various aspects of life, more specifically my life and I hope it benefits more than just me. Although I guess the real reason for writing this blog is because I want to tell my story. Perhaps so that others will be inspired, or maybe I just want others to feel for me. Now the marrow is in what you feel. Do you feel the sadness, the excitement, the anticipation, the boredom that I do? Within the course of ten minutes I can feel all of these emotions and more. Just as you can and probably do. My problem is that I no longer can do with these emotions what I used to do. Share them with my best buddy food.

When you go through this process of having your insides "reworked" (for lack of a better word), there is so much more attached to the process than just losing weight and perhaps improving some health issues. When you are someone like me whose life has been so closely connected with food in a different way than most people, that abrupt change can have unexpected results. One day I am living life, eating food that I desired, not overeating mind you, just living and eating like I see the rest of the world eat. Then the next day, well not literally because I had to go on a pretty serious pre-operative diet that made cardboard appealing, my life has changed forever because  I allowed a surgeon to go into my body and change it. Was it the best decision of my life? Well of course no. Jesus was the best decision. My wife second. My children third. But in truth I cannot answer yet about this decision.

A lot of the people who have undergone this surgery and have experienced a whole lot more than I have, have told me that they do not regret having undergone this change. They even wish they had done it sooner. I hope that one day I am able to say that. I know that I am feeling new things every day. Physically I am still sore at the main incision area. I get nauseated if I drink water to quickly or too much at once. I have not enjoyed food but a few times since I began eating again. It is really a struggle to changing a lifelong habit of eating a certain way and then being forced to learn to eat another. But this is why I chose this path. I needed something that would force me into action that would help me. I had run out of options. I had looked at wonderful programs that I had tried before and lost weight and felt so good and healthy but could not keep on the new way of eating to save my life. Literally. The "Eat to Live" plan by Dr. Joel Furhman is a great program and one that I tried and wish that I could have stayed on it. The "Hallelujah Diet" probably saved my life years ago by making us aware of the good and bad things attached with various foods. But I could not stay on it. The temptation to eat foods that had been lifelong "comfort foods" was too great and although I truly desired to be victorious....I failed. The thorn in my flesh, the weakness that I needed to reveal God's grace and it's sufficiency for me would lead me to the gastric bypass.

I must tell you that it has not been easy. Of course I am only three weeks out from my surgery. Still a babe in the woods so to speak. Trying to get in my protein and 100 ounces of liquid a day and my vitamins is not easy. Also the emotional aspect is so so so big, so saddening, so depressing and yet so needed in my life. I  feel like the song that one of my favorite singers sang on one of his albums. Larnelle Harris has long been an inspiration to me because of his vocal talent and his love for the Lord. This song speaks to the issues concerning food that I am facing now. Perhaps it may speak to you regarding some "desert" in your life.

The "Desert of My Days" is a very thought provoking song. The lyrics speak right to the heart of so many issues in our lives. For me, my desert is wandering and wondering how I will learn to deal with the absence of my "food comfort" because I can no longer have that to "help" me cope with life. This is a pretty hard shot in the arm for someone who must partake of food on a daily basis in order to live. And not only that but has to deal with food in a very different manner than before. You see if I were an alcoholic then I could just simply avoid the drug and stay sober. But as someone with an abnormal relationship to food I must address the issues related to that abnormality every day. Some days are good , some days are bad; but God is always there....in my desert. I know that this journey is something He will work out for good. Because I love Him and am called according to His purpose. And I won't be in the desert forever. But while I am here I am going to praise His name and all He has done for me.

Anyone out there who has undergone this surgery and reads this blog please feel free to write to me and tell me about your struggles and successes. I want to learn from others so that I might help others like myself in the future. I also welcome any comments and encouragement. I thank you for loving me and listening to my story. God bless you.

 Until next time!!

Choose LIFE!!!

"Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live!" Deuteronomy 30:19

What an appropriate scripture that applies to my life as the choice I have made by having this surgery has given me the chance at more life that I would surely not have had if I had not chosen to go this direction. Is it the perfect direction? Will it take a lot of work and patience and learning and faith and trust in God. Of course it will. But it is a blessing as I am already discovering in my own life as well as those who have lived it out themselves.

We all struggle with something in our lives. Some of us are in battles that no one is even aware is going on. So much quiet desperation in the eyes of people I see these days. I have a sense that they are without a defined hope for their lives. They want to be happy. They look for things or people or events to make them happy... just so they can live their lives from day to day... with something to look forward to.

I consider myself one of these people, living lives of quiet desperation of which he author Henry David Thoreau described. And this should not be.Especially for someone who knows the Creator of all things on a personal basis. As a born again Christian I expect more of myself than to allow the world to determine my "feelings" on any given day. But alas I am only human and find myself just like a bottle in the sea being tossed about. However, I do not despair because of this. I thank God for the realization of my condition and ask His assistance in helping me to change it. And He does so with complete grace and mercy.